Move over 50 Shades of Grey, if I had a millionaire doting on me, here is what my Valentine’s Day would look like for this busy single mom of three (3):

My Valentine’s Day Fantasy

By Rebekah Carter

Knock knock.

“Moooom!  Someone’s at the door!!” Johnny jumps off the sofa and follows me to the door; Makhailah and Tristan also come sliding at my feet reminding me again that I definitely need to get them signed up for little league when they are old enough.

I can’t recognize the person through the peephole so I open the door with the sliding chain lock still in place.  This must be some type of joke, I think to myself as I can’t believe who is standing in front of me. 

“Nanny Deb?!! Nanny Deb from Nanny 911?”  Nanny Deb smiles and in her awesome British accent says, “Yes dear, can I come in?”  She looks at me and looks at the chain.. 

“Of course, of course!  I’m one of your biggest fans! I miss your show!”

Nanny Deb looks around, smiles at my children, hands me a red heart-shaped card that looks like a first grader made it and begins chatting with my kids and acting as though I am invisible.

I open the card and it reads:

“Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

You get the day off today because I’ve got a nanny for you.”

That was it, that’s all it said.

“Oh wait dear,” Nanny Deb’s delightful accent broke through my thoughts, “I forgot this one.”  She hands me a pink heart-shaped card and goes back to chatting away with my kids.

I open the second card and it reads:

“Oh wait there’s more in store, but you need to open the door.”

 

Ok cheesy but definitely has my curiosity piqued, I think as I open the door.  Christopher Hewett?

There’s a man in a suit who I swear is a spitting image of the actor, Christopher Hewett, dressed as his famous role of Mr. Belvedere.  British-looking Actor Appreciation Day? I muse.  

He hands me a box and instructs me to put it on and to hurry, we haven’t much time, and the limousine is waiting.  I look down expecting my kids to be at my feet and curious over what is in the box, but they are already off in a bedroom being busily entertained with Nanny Deb.   

I take the box to my bedroom, close the door and open it up.  Is someone reading my thoughts?  This is fantastic, I love it. 

 

Victoria’s Secret cute but comfy sweats and matching flip flops.  Whoever this person is they’ve got to be a woman, gay or extremely metro, no average single straight guy knows women this well.

I’m no longer concerned about needing to do my makeup; I can see where this is headed (Spa day??) and walk back to the door smiling at my kids still completely focused on Nanny Deb and oblivious to me even walking by them.

The British Butler-looking man is still there at the door waiting for me, this time he has a tall recognizable cup in his hand.  Love at first sight!!!

“Oh good you got her the latte,” I hear my mom’s voice coming from behind me. 

“Mom, when did you get here?”

“Oh they wanted to make sure you knew it was safe to leave your kids.  I’m having fun with Nanny Deb, so it’s okay, you can go.”

I hear other voices in my kitchen and look over.  Strangers are in my kitchen finishing up my dishes I had been working on and…

“Excuse me ma’am,” a man said politely as he took my kitchen garbage out the door.

The man who looked like Mr. Belvedere interrupted my gaze, “We must go dear.”

I take a sip as I’m ushered towards a limousine.  Mmmmm….Venti Soy Chai Tea Latte… This truly is Valentine’s Day in a cup.

I get into the limousine and have flashbacks to the very few times I’ve ever been in a limousine.  The first time was in the seventh grade when I’d been a top magazine seller and got to ride around town with a few other students.  Being junior high kids we had no idea where to go so we did what any other suburb kids would do, took the limo to Jack in the Box.  On the way we pulled our windows down and ushered other cars to do the same, and then copied a commercial that was famous at the time, saying to other drivers, “Pardon me, do you happen to have any Grey Poupon?”  

 

I started giggling thinking about that, half-tempted to do that but was enjoying my latte too much and gave way to more memories of being in friends’ weddings, etc.

I’d never understood all the hype about limousines, but I certainly wasn’t going to disparage it.  I continued to sip on my latte and drink in my liquid form of heaven.  I closed my eyes savoring each sip, and in spite of all the excitement somehow managed to fall asleep.

I woke up in what felt like a salon chair with a man leaning over me who looked just like…

“Michael Caine???”  This really is the day for English actors wow.

“Eyebrows, nice to see you have two, but they need damage control.”  I just smile and nod as I couldn’t agree more, my eyebrows have always been like Japanese bonsai trees in need of special trimming and maintenance.    

I looked around and appeared to be in some type of recreation of Miss Congeniality in the scene where she is taken to a warehouse full of highly specialized people who in one great organized sweep attack her hair, teeth, makeup, body with a total makeover overall.  I can’t help but smile as I remember that movie until I recall the part where she screams.

“OOOOWWWEEEEEEE” OK wow that just happened.  There are no words to describe what just happened because this author has never had a Brazilian wax before and this is a fantasy, so one can only imagine how excruciatingly painful that might have just been. 

Something is put in my right hand, something warm and calming, Sigh, my latte.  Whatever pain was just felt is quickly soothed with each sip.  I can literally feel the caffeine starting to flow through my veins, I sit back and sigh.

At this point it feels like every part of my body is being worked on in some way.  My toes, my feet, my calves.  I hadn’t noticed my clothes were off and I was covered in massage towels, Nice, oh massages how I’ve missed you. My memories trailed back to the days of my first marriage where I regularly enjoyed luxurious Rainforest tans and massages.  I had left that lifestyle all behind when that husband became a mean drunk and was also caught cheating on me.  But we’re not going to think about that, that’s all in the past and this… this is in the present…mmmm.

I fell into another deep sleep, this time dreaming of my kids and imagining all the fun they were having with Nanny Deb, and trying to not worry about what type of criticisms or admonishments she is going to have for me when I get back of what I need to do differently with them.  I am already constantly meeting with their speech and occupational therapists to incorporate better routine and activities. My mind was starting to wander again so I lectured myself: You’re doing it again, stop, and breath, relax, whatever this is, enjoy it!

I open my eyes and can still hear tranquil music and water sounds playing in the background.  I look around and am still in a spa place, but no one in sight. I look down and see that I’ve been dressed back into the cute Victoria’s Secret sweat-suit outfit.

Something red and pink catches my attention on a table beside me.  I pick it up and open it.

“Dandelions are yellow,

Sunflowers are too

And now I’ve got something special just for you.”

By the rugged hand-made nature of the cards so far and this person’s rhyming poetry, I am starting to get an image in my mind not of a handsome guy but of some rich kid with a crush on me hoping I’ll either be his mom or his Mrs. Robinson.  Why do only younger guys ever hit on me?  Seriously, it seems like no matter where I go, whether it’s the grocery store or even random guys trying to friend me on Facebook, they are always younger guys practically half my age. It really grosses me out. 

My mind continued down rabbit-trail venting when a door opened and a shimmer of rainbow-colored light broke into the room. 

“Oh good, you’re awake.  The limousine is waiting.”

I started to get up when I realized I needed to…  Before I could even finish my thoughts, the spa person pointed at a restroom door next to me.  Amazing, I marveled.

Back in the limousine, I enjoyed a glass of water with lemon and the most delicious California sushi rolls I’ve ever tasted. 

I hope this is what heaven is like, because I could really do this every day.

The limousine pulled back up to my apartment.  Oh well maybe that was it, maybe it was just someone giving me a spa day, and I have no complaints!

Feeling my vacation must be over now, I open my door and can’t believe my eyes.  I hadn’t noticed the IKEA and Pier 1 Imports vans outside, but now I can’t help but notice. 

My entire apartment has been remodeled and looks more like one of those “Extreme Makeover Home Edition” shows.  I pinch myself, nope, this still feels real.  My hands trail over the new furniture.  This is so surreal. 

I hear laughter and happy-sounding shouts coming from down the hall.  Trails of rose pedals create a path to my bedroom where sounds of my children laughing are coming from.I turn the knob but there’s something behind the door.  

 

“You have to really give it a shove” I hear the voice of Mr. Belvedere from behind me.

I give it a big heave, the door budges and I all I see and feel are colored balls pouring in on top of me and all around me.  My room is a giant ball pit.

This is the greatest, coolest, most fun thing ever!!!  I dive in and join my kids playing in the balls.  

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP” Faint sounds of an alarm are heard from my bathroom.  “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP” They get louder and louder until…

I open my eyes and realize it’s time to get up and start my day but can’t help but muse that THAT truly was the most fun I’ve ever had in the bedroom on Valentine’s Day.